Come On, Tiger, Own Up!

From the moment I heard the sketchy details of Tiger Woods' little car accident, my BS detector went off. It's sad that when you hear a breaking news story these days and immediately fill in the blanks with details that paint those involved in the worst possible light, more times than not, you end up being right on the money.

For instance, not too long after hearing the breaking "balloon boy" story, a part of me thought that it could just be a bid for the national spotlight by some idiot.

I was not alone, of course, and it turns out that the truth was even more "out there" than I ever imagined.

In the case of Tiger Woods, I can't help but think that the same is also true.

My reasons:

- The fact that Tiger decides to haul ass out of his drive-way at 2AM is odd, no matter who you are.

- Refusing to speak to authorities about a little fender bender, if that's really all that happened, is odd, no matter who you are. The difference, of course, is that if any of us regular folks were to try that, the cops would bust down the door. Tiger's getting special treatment, which isn't surprising, but the fact that he's taking advantage of the double-standard is disappointing.

- Speaking of double-standards, if there were any suspicion at all that the injuries were the result of spousal abuse and Tiger was a chick, the cops would be all over this thing. The double-standard, of course, is that if Tiger's wife is responsible for his injuries and he's saying such things as "It's my fault" and ""I'm human, and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again" sure does sound like something you'd hear on the battered-wife Hallmark channel movie-of-the-week.

But, because it's a dude named Tiger Woods, the police thus far seem to be going out of their way to be extra nice to him. Will they go so far out of their way that they decide to not investigate any further? My gut tells me they just may.

- Based on the reports that Woods' injuries are minor, it is odd to see him choose to drop out of his own tournament. Is he too vain to be scene with a swollen lip and some minor cuts...or is he afraid to reveal the true extent of his injuries and the fact that they may not be consistent with a minor fender bender?

Thus far, I've been disappointed with the way Tiger has chosen to handle this event. Everything seems to point at an attempt on his part to mislead and/or downplay the actual events of that night.

Adam Lambert:: Idiot Detector

[Two cutting edge musical artists express themselves.]

There are certain things in life that serve as quite dependable Idiot Detectors because these days, believe me, we need all the help we can get to separate the idiots from the rest of the herd. If only they didn't look so much like the rest of us.

Thankfully, though, we have people like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck to help identify the short bus alumni from the normal folks. In the music world, we have a relative newcomer by the name of Adam Lambert to shine light on those who wouldn't know good music, or singing, if it rubbed its crotch in their face.

From the moment that Mr. Lambert landed on the American Idol stage, I was shocked and appalled by the number of people who went out of their way to declare him "amazing", celebrating the singer's high vocal range as if guys like Freddie Mercury had never existed.

Naturally, as I do not watch American Idol (a show that has long served as a pretty dependable Idiot Detector in its own right), I heard the raves long before I heard Lambert's singing and when I did, I thought I'd been Punk'd. My first reaction was one of absolute bewilderment. This is what all the excitement's about?

What I've come to realize is that people who watch American Idol aren't fans of music at all. They are the sort of people who applaud during a national anthem when the singer goes for the obligatory high note during the line "and the rockets red glare", as if it is some sort of remarkable accomplishment.

No, viewers of this short-bus talent show don't give a rat's ass about the music. What they are attracted to is the drama, which explains why the episodes devoted to showcasing the train-wreck auditions generate some of the show's highest ratings. William Hung, anyone? Because of this show and the idiots who watch it, the guy got a record deal and has put out a handful of albums.

And still the show rolls on, turning one ridiculous nobody after another into a star. It's getting so that almost every musical household name has some connection to the show, from Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson to Ruben Stoddard and Chris Daughtry. That American Idol has become the sole tool for developing new talent would be hilarious if it wasn't so disturbing.

Most disturbing of all is the saga of one Adam Lambert, whose cantankerous caterwauling has long been mistaken for talent, but the singer himself seems to know full well that if he were to rely solely upon talent, he'd soon be back doing whatever it was he was doing a year ago. That's why he quite calculatingly went a little "overboard" at the American Music Awards and ended up generating a ton of free, but priceless publicity for himself and his new album.

Of course, in the overly-PC world, anyone who calls a spade a spade these days is subject to criticism from the idiots who think that being unmoved by Lambert's performance and saying so means you are a homophobe. Lambert has gone so far as to play the "they don't like me because I'm gay" card himself because, well, doing so only generates more publicity.

But what about the Madonna-Britney kiss of a few years back? Didn't we all think that was cutting edge and sexy?

Um, no. That was just as calculated and stupid, something done in lieu of actual talent. I mean, seriously, was either of their microphones even on? Of course not. The only difference between that "event" and Adam's was that, unfortunately, his microphone was on.

God, I miss Freddie Mercury. He never had to resort to controversy to win over an audience. If it wasn't the amazing command of his voice, or his downright genius songwriting (seriously, "Bohemian Rhapsody" still boggles the mind), it was his natural charisma and showmanship that won over audiences as the band played to millions of adoring fans the world over. None of us cared about his sexuality because it was never important. When such things become important, as they have these days, notice that they tend to do so at the expense of actual talent.

Sadly, the whole mentality that American Idol has capitalized upon is one where musical talent is secondary to the drama. Adam Lambert is drama personified; a "eunuch-with-a-strap-on" freak show for people who find the rides at Disneyland to be "too scary".

Black Friday: WTF?

For as long as I can remember, the day after Thanksgiving has always been a big shopping day. Lately, though, it has gotten completely out-of-hand, with "door busters" and merchants opening at ridiculous hours like midnight, or 4AM.

What amazes me is that when you talk to most normal, rational human beings, they fully recognize how ridiculous the whole Black Friday thing is, yet there they are sleeping in a tent out in front of Best Buy, or cutting short their Thanksgiving celebration so that they can catch some sleep before racing down to the local mall to be there when they open at midnight.

I will refer to these folks from here on out as sheep because that is exactly what they are. For all of their pretending to be a free-thinking human being on the other 364 days of the year, capable of recognizing idiocy when they see it, on Black Friday they are revealed for the pushing, shoving member of the herd that they are.

Heaven forbid they miss out on any "door busters", as if merchants won't soon be offering continued blow-out deals in hopes of staving off the usual disappointment that is the "holiday shopping season".

A friend of mine who had earlier been bragging of having already finished their holiday shopping online texted me at an ungodly hour this morning to brag about the amazing deal they got on a Zhu Zhu hamster.

My first thought was to sever all ties with this dorkus. I mean, who finishes up their shopping early, brags about it, then joins the other sheep in the freezing cold for the opportunity to buy an electronic hamster at the crack of midnight?

Fucking hell.

Are You Sitting Comfortably? Then We'll Begin.

"Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin."


For 9.9995 out of 10 people, the above words means nothing. To Canadian rock fans "of a certain age" and a discerning few in the U.S., these immortal words begin one of the classic, but most overlooked albums of the 80's...Platinum Blonde's Standing In The Dark.

My first exposure to the band came via a late night radio show that played left-of-center new wave tracks, two of which were the band's "Not In Love" and "Doesn't Really Matter". Once I knew the name of the band, I immediately headed to the nearest record store and struck out.  I quickly realized that getting my hands on this album would be more difficult than usual. One week and five record stores later, I finally found a copy and raced home to introduce it to my stereo. They immediately hit it off and, for the next several months, I listened to nothing else.

At parties, I would spin a track or two and, without exception, the response was always "Wow! Who are these guys?" I figured it was just a matter of time before they would join the growing list of bands that I had championed before seeing them take the world by storm - bands like Duran Duran, Adam & The Ants, Missing Persons, etc.

Sadly, Platinum Blonde's day in the sun never came. In the U.S., at least. In their native Canada, however, they were HUGE - the Canuck version of Duran Duran and The Police rolled into one photogenic trio.

For some unexplainable reason, the band's debut album has been long out-of-print. Considering the fact that tons of even more obscure music has seen proper re-release on CD over the years, why Standing In The Dark doesn't get the same treatment boggles my mind. As if to confirm the demand, copies of the original CD have been fetching over $100 on eBay for years.

Sure, a compilation called Seven-Year Itch was released in 1999 which contained many tracks from the band's debut, but it didn't include ALL of them. More recently, a budget-bin compilation called Collections was issued, but it failed to offer anything beyond that which had been included on Seven-Year Itch.

In other words, only half of the tunes from Standing In The Dark are currently available on CD. That, of course, meant you either ponied up a Benjamin to get your hands on a twenty-year-old copy of the album on CD, or you simply lived with the memory of how great those songs were.

Until now...

Doesn't Really Matter
Standing In The Dark
Sad Sad Rain
Take It From Me
Cast A Shadow
Leaders In Danger
Not In Love
Video Disease
All Fall Down
Cinderella Story

2012: Bigger And Dumberer

There are films that expect you to check your reality at the door and then there are films that actually do so and still manage to insult your intelligence with their total disregard for plausibility. 2012 is a film that falls into the latter category. For example, when star John Cusack is fleeing with his family in a small plane flown by ex-wife Amanda Peet's boyfriend, what we see on-screen becomes so absurd that you can’t help but laugh and, in doing so, disconnect from the “reality” of the movie entirely. After seeing more narrow escapes than even the luckiest bastard on earth could survive on the trip to the airport alone, we are then asked to believe that Cusack’s clan then successfully flies their plane into the side of a falling building and safely out the other end as the L.A. skyline tumbles into the sea.

Anyone who has seen footage of the planes flying into the side of the World Trade Center knows such things just do not happen.

As I watched the movie, now completely detached from the faux-apocalypse taking place on-screen, the folks behind me actually burst into spontaneous laughter as what they were watching ran head-on into their built-in "no fucking way" mechanism and lost. All that was left to do from that point was chuckle at the sheer number of liberties being taken.

See, just because CGI technology allows you to accurately depict the complete destruction of the very planet upon which we reside doesn't mean doing so will achieve the desire cinematic effect. The best movie-makers recognize that what you leave to the imagination of the audience is ten times more effective at building tension than anything you could actually show. Thus, by leaving nothing to the audience's imagination, director Roland Emmerich (10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow, The Patriot) seems to be operating under the belief that his audience isn't smart enough to buy the premise without having everything spelled out before them.

It is obvious that Emmerich feels the need to be really, really obvious and that he doesn’t trust the audience to make the leap without resorting to painting in the broadest strokes possible and chucking subtlety out the window. Each and every character seems ripped from the pages of The Filmmakers Guide To Overused One-Dimensional Character Stereotypes, right down to the self-serving politician (Oliver Platt), the ex-wife who has lost faith in ex-hubby but still loves him (Amanda Peet), and the backwoods conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson).

After awhile, it begins to feel less like a movie with anything to say, and more like a "Scary Movie"-type parody of the disaster film genre. This is never more obvious than when Cusack and his family arrive in China only to see the sky filled with helicopters carrying two of each animal - giraffes, elephants, you name it. Noah’s Ark?! Really?

Don't worry, I'm not spoiling anything for you if you haven't yet seen the film. The truth is, in fact, that you HAVE seen this film. Many times. So many, in fact, that by this point you will be able to accurately predict everything else that happens in the film's remaining hour, right down to which people end up living happily ever after and which meet their untimely deaths in some grisly fashion.

In a nutshell, 2012 is a big, dumb explosion of Hollywood's most overused cliches. Maybe by jamming them all into one ridiculous movie, Hollywood can put them to rest and get on with the business of thinking up new ways to scare the hell out of moviegoers.

Of course, that can happen only after Hollywood stops believing that they can cover up weak-ass scripts with tons of CGI, which will only happen after moviegoers stop going to such flicks...which means it'll never happen. Sigh.

The Difference Between Jay Cutler And The Great Quarterbacks Of The NFL

Jay Cutler is no John Elway.

Turns out he's no Kyle Orton either, which was initially what most Chicago football fans liked about him. Now, of course, since Orton has been enjoying a better-than-average season in Denver - although he is now nursing an injury that may force him to see only limited action this week, Chicagoans are feeling some serious buyer's remorse.

Or, perhaps more accurately, trader's remorse.

With Cutler throwing almost as many interceptions as completed passes to his own players, the fickle Bears fans have started to turn against the man they once reflexively called "the answer to all our problems".

From the first moment I set eyes on Jay Cutler, back when he was still in a Denver Broncos uniform, my gut instinct told me that he lacked the one thing necessary to achieve greatness in the NFL. No, not a strong arm, or the ability to move around effectively in the pocket. What Cutler lacks that will forever separate him from the greats of the game is...a strong chin.

Seriously, look at the guy. He's got a dopey, lopsided grin, droopy eyes and, well, no chin.

Now, you might think such an observation is crazy and I'm perfectly okay with that, but take a look at any great NFL quarterback and what you will soon notice is the fact that they all, without exception, have great chins.



Take John Elway, for example. The dude is all chin, with a rocket for an arm. And on the fingers at the end of that arm are two Super Bowl rings. Oh, and he's in the Hall of Fame.



You may also notice the prominent chins of superstar quarterbacks such as Joe Namath, Terry Bradshaw, Troy Aikman, Tom Brady, Brett Favre and that each one of those guys has at least one Super Bowl ring and years of lighting up the sky on the football field. Heck, even Jim McMahon has a chin!



Meanwhile, here in Chicago, we traded one weak, weasel chinned also-ran (Kyle Orton) for another and only made things worse for ourselves in the process. The most compelling thing about Jay Cutler is that, despite having no actual chin to speak of, he does have a double-chin. How does that happen?

Oh, you can blame this godawful letdown of a season on injuries (such as Urlacher being knocked out for the season in the very first game), the lack of a solid offensive line, or the fact that having a head coach named Lovie does not exactly strike fear into opponents, but the simple truth is that the Chicago Bears are going nowhere until we get a quarterback with a big, awe-inspiring chin.

It's just that simple.

Top 10 Dumbest Things About the NFL

TOP 10 DUMBEST THINGS ABOUT THE NFL

10. Icing the field goal kicker

Was it New England head coach Bill Belichick who first utilized this “dirty trick” in the NFL? Probably so. Either way, it’s a stupid move that rarely pays off and should be outlawed.

9. Sudden death overtime

I am dumbfounded at the number of old timers who stand by sudden death overtime, as if the idea of never even touching the ball and losing because the team that wins a coin toss goes on to score is somehow fair. The fairest option is to hold an extra, abbreviated overtime quarter like they do in the NBA wherein both sides stand an equal chance to have their talents (and not some stupid coin toss) be the key to victory or defeat.

8. Cheerleaders

I don’t have anything against cute women in skimpy outfits waving pom-pom’s, but what do cheerleaders really bring to an NFL football game? From most seats, they’re ants with pom-poms. On TV, they’re cute, but they aren’t so much cheering as providing eye candy going into and coming back from commercial breaks. Oh, and they are great targets for players who go crashing out-of-bounds at top speed.

7. Throwback uniforms

Seriously, enough with these crappy throwback uniforms already. All they do is remind us that most AFL-era uniforms were better left forgotten. Anyone else catch those Denver Bronco uniforms with the brown and yellow vertical stripes? What the fuck was that?


6. Dallas' gluttonous new mega-stadium

I guess when you’re a rich guy like Jerry Jones, you can’t help but start to believe that you can do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. Never mind that you already have a perfectly good stadium. Jones, of course, had no doubt seen a number of other owners have their respective cities bend over backwards for them, providing all sorts of funding and tax breaks in the building of brand new state-of-the-art facilities – usually right across the street from the previous facility. He wanted his and, well, he got it. Never mind that it was supposed to cost $650 million and ended up costing almost twice that. Nothing should stand in the way of blind capitalism, even if it means increasing a number of local taxes were to help pay for the stadium even after Jones received gifts of $325 million from the city of Arlington and $150 million from the NFL. Did we mention the completely unnecessary, but hilariously gigantic TV screen that makes the experience of attending a game akin to paying hundreds of dollars to drive to a huge Dave & Buster’s to watch the game on a big-screen TV?

5. Playing regular season games in foreign locations

The NFL is in a blind rush to see that NFL football soon takes over the globe. While they had initially taken trips abroad for pre-season games, in 2005, they actually played a regular season game in Mexico. Recently, the New England Patriots played the Tamp Bay Buccaneers at Wembley Stadium in London. There has yet to be a game of any consequence played on foreign soil, so why fucking bother? Nobody in the U.S. cared about the game, as the Bucs are horrible and the Patriots are anything but. The thing is, you can’t expect the Brits to care either if you just give them table scraps. Foreign countries either love NFL football or they don’t. Forcing players to undertake a lengthy plane ride, overcome jet lag, and play a game in front of an audience that got free tickets is not doing anything positive for anyone. Still, there is talk of actually holding the Super Bowl at Wembley Stadium at some point in the near future. Such a decision would be a total kick in the face to U.S. fans who shouldn’t have to fly to England to attend the game.


4. Awarding first pick of college draft to the worst team in the league

While I can totally see the reasoning why the worst team in the league has naturally been awarded the first pick in the college draft, I can’t help feel sorry for the best college player in the draft. What’s the motivation for kicking ass and taking names during your senior year in college if it will mean getting drafted by the worst fucking team in the league? There has to be a better method for allowing the cream of the college crop to not languish in Loserville. How about a coin toss? No? But it’s good enough for sudden death overtime.

3. Two-week gap between AFC/NFC Championship games and the Super Bowl

Back in the old days, they felt a two-week gap between championship games and the Super Bowl was necessary to build up the requisite hype. The thing is, the Super Bowl doesn’t exactly need any hype at this point. It is the single-most popular sports championship on the planet. Additionally, times have changed considerably in recent years and traditional journalism has given way to immediate, 24-7 coverage, thereby making it hard to find enough stupid stuff to talk about in the two weeks leading up to Super Bowl Sunday. There is also a valid argument that two weeks off is too much time and that a team firing on all cylinders through the playoffs could very well lose their momentum and become blasé. How many high-flying teams have we seen come out flat on the day of the big game? Truth be told, the number of absolutely boring Super Bowls greatly outnumber the games those that have actually worth watching. The truth is that one week between games is enough, as proven by the fact that those games coming after a one-week break (such as 1983, when a lengthy strike had the league playing catch-up, and in 2001 after the 9/11 attacks briefly delayed the regular season) have actually been close, highly-entertaining games.

2. Bye weeks

Seriously, there’s nothing worse than getting all geared up to watch your team on Sunday, then find out that it is their bye week. Come on, these are big boys. Fuck the bye week. Let’s plays some fucking football.

1. Allowing Michael Vick back into the league

That NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell let a convicted dog murderer back into the league was a total, classless mistake. That’s all I’m going to say on the matter.

Riggs Reunion November 28th!!

As a HUGE fan of the little-known Atlanta band Riggs, I am psyched to hear that the original line-up will be reuniting for a gig in Atlanta on November 28. I may just have to make the long, hard drive south to see one of my all-time faves in action.

Anyone in the Atlanta area needs to check this show out. You can thank me later.

RIGGS
w/ Special Guests
Saturday, November 28th, 2009
Doors 7pm / Show 8pm
18+ with Valid ID
$15 General Admission

MORE INFO

Norah Jones Take "The Fall"

Anyone who buys the new Norah Jones CD, The Fall, is bound to be disappointed. After all, the one song for which she will always be best remembered, 2002's "Don't Know Why", was written by then collaborator Jesse Harris. As the lead-off track to her multi-platinum Blue Note Records debut effort, Come Away With Me, the song played perfectly to her strengths, perfectly framing her demure jazz-inflected singing style. At the same time, it was a career-defining song that forever raised expectations to a height that Jones herself will never match.

Despite being incredibly sexy in a cuter-than-a-button sort of way, Jones is only a fair-to-middling songwriter. The first cracks in the facade appeared on her follow-up effort, Feels Like Home (2004). Despite debuting at the #1 spot on the U.S charts, sales quickly plummeted as word-of-mouth furthered the opinion that the album lacked any songs as catchy as "Don't Know Why". This was due mostly to the absence of Jesse Harris, who had gone on to pursue his own solo career by this point. Collaborators Lee Alexander and Richard Julian, while quite capable multi-instrumentalists, were no Jesse Harris.

2007 brought her third album, Not Too Late, which also made a #1 debut before quickly sliding down the charts. It was obvious that fans of her first album were still hopeful Jones could return to form. Still, the album went double-platinum. It is worth noting that such status is awarded based upon units shipped, not sold. In other words, most of those copies remained on store shelves.

Jones, of course, has been a humble star, saying of her Grammy sweep in 2003, "I felt like I went to somebody else's birthday party and I ate all their cake." On subsequent albums, she has continued to wrestle with expectations brought on by having had such a fluke hit, trying valiantly to give the people what she thinks they want. The thing is, very few artists have ever managed to pull off such a thing and Jones is no exception.

Thus, on the newly released (and aptly titled) The Fall, Jones seems to have finally decided to throw caution to the wind and shed her smooth jazz stylings in favor of a more commercial, albeit indie-rock flavored, direction.

The problem with this approach is that it does not play to any of her strengths and reduces her to a marginal artist at best. Sure, the album sees the return of Jesse Harris, who co-writes two songs on the album, but it also boasts eight songs written solely by Jones and, well, Jones is a songwriter who definitely needs a collaborator. First single "Chasing Pirates", for example, is completely lacking of any chorus to speak of. You keep waiting for it to come, to deliver the payoff the song seems to be building toward, but it never comes.

Sadly, much of the rest of the album falls into this same, meandering rut. And then it's over, leaving the listener with not so much a bad taste in their mouth, but, rather, no taste at all.

New Flight Of The Conchords CD: Not So Freaky

Flight Of The Conchords - I Told You I Was Freaky

As much as I adore Flight Of The Conchords, their new album, I Told You I Was Freaky tries way too hard to sound like a Black Eyed Peas album, but with cheeky lyrics. The only problem is that, if you aren't down with Black Eyed Peas, then no amount of cheeky lyrics can make it an enjoyable listen.

Additionally "Suga Lumps" might very well be the funniest song on the album...well, I can't be sure because the words are sung in such a rapid fire fashion that only the occasional word can be understood. Again, I blame the musical setting.

The album's title track is more of the same, but, see, the thing is... it isn't funny. At all.

"Rambling Through The Avenues Of Time" is a much-welcome musical departure. Unfortunately, it isn't funny either and is a pretty direct musical rip-off of Billy Joel's "Piano Man".

"Fashion Is Danger" isn't funny either, but it actually comes closest to being a song good enough to stand on its own, recalling 80's Sparks and Pet Shop Boys in the process.

Now, if any song gives me hope based solely upon the title, it would have to be "Too Many Dicks (On The Dancefloor)". After yet another rapid-fire verse, wherein the Conchords no doubt discuss the bummers of too high a guy-to-girl ratio, the song devolves into a never-ending refrain of the title, ad infinitum.

"You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute", based on the title, made me think of the Police's "Roxanne", and, wouldn't you know it, the song is a faux-reggae ditty, just like "Roxanne". The fact that such assumptions on my part come true more times than not suggests a severe lack of imagination on the Conchords' part. After all, it was when they caught us off-guard with oddball observations married to left-field musical explorations that made them so refreshingly funny in the first place.

Now, it just seems like the ideas have run out.

Oh, but wait, "Carol Brown" arrives near the end of the album like an acoustic re-write of "88 Lines About 44 Women", but goes one step farther with a superbly 60's lounge-style production and wonderful female backing vocals (provided by girlfriends of the past).

"Angels", too, is acoustic and, let me say this with absolute certainty: the Conchords are at their best in a mostly acoustic setting. For one thing, it allows you to hear the freakin' lyrics. Call me crazy, but that should be the first priority if what you are making (or listening to) is a comedy album.

Sadly, the boys wait until the very end of the album to fall back upon what they do best. Of course, whether that is enough to salvage the album depends on how much you like the Black Eyed Peas stylings that dominate the first half of the record.

Top 10 Reasons Sarah Palin Is An Idiot

Hey, look who has a new book to promote.

Along with the book, of course, comes the many TV interview where Palin's past idiocy will be downplayed, if not overlooked completely. So, for those who may have forgotten, we bring you the Top 10 Reasons Sarah Palin Is An Idiot...

10. She is photographed in spandex running shorts for Runner's World magazine, then gets those very same shorts stuck in a bunch when Newsweek uses one of those shots for their cover story. Turns out that when Runner's World does it, it's fine, but when Newsweek tries it, it's sexist. Um, Earth to Sarah. You posed for the shots, love.

9. The Katie Couric interview.

One of my favorite bits:

Couric: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?

Palin: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.

Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.

Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.

Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?

Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.

Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.

Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

What, does she think this is a homework assignment?

8. I don't care what you say, any parent whose teenage child gets pregnant is a failure as a parent. And an idiot.

7. In a nutshell, she cited that all of the criticism that she received during and after her failed run for Vice-President led her to choose to leave her position as Governor of Alaska. In other words, when the going got tough, she quit. And, yes, she believes that she's still qualified to run for the highest political office in the country come 2012.

6. The Oprah interview where she tried to play down the Katie Couric interview.

My favorite bit:

Palin: It was supposed to be kind of light-hearted, fun working mom speaking with working mom and the challenges that we have with teenage daughters.

Or it might also be "kind of serious, journalist speaking with vice-presidential candidate". Just a thought.

5. Agreeing to go along with the idea to pose in short shorts for a feature in Runner's World magazine in the first place. Only an idiot would think that only the three or four subscribers to Runner's World would see the photos or that the photos wouldn't spread like wildfire on the internet and, gasp, be re-produced by mass media outlets like Newsweek. Oddly enough, Madeleine Albright has never had such a problem.

4. Lashing out at McCain's camp, having obviously forgotten whose campaign it was in the first place. Once it was made very clear to her that she wasn't the one running for President, she "went rogue", which is Palin-speak for pissing in the punch bowl, then taking her ball and going home.

3. Palin said that she supports "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance because, and we quote, "If it was good enough for the founding fathers it's good enough for me." The only problem is that the Pledge of Allegiance was not written by the founding fathers, but came to be more than 100 years later. Also, "Under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954.

2. The Charlie Gibson interview. You know, the one where she got real snippy when he asked her to define the Bush Doctrine. She then proceeded to tap dance like Gregory Hines (may he rest in peace), obviously not having the foggiest idea.

I also liked this little exchange:

GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?

PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.

GIBSON: Exact words.

D'oh! Again, you have a candidate that claims to be experienced enough to hold the second-highest office in the country, yet hasn't quite grasped that everything she says is public record.

1. One word: Troopergate. Three more words: It really happened.

Top 5 Best Excuses When Calling In Sick Of Work

5. Hey, if you want me to contaminate the whole building with my fungal rot, just say the word, but I won't be held responsible for any collateral damage.

4. There's green sduff cubbig out of by dose, but that's duthig cubpared to thuh projectile diarrhea.

3. My mother-in-law just died. On my couch. (Make sure to not use this one more than once. Also, it helps if you're married)

2. Food poisoning. I will never pick sushi out of a dumpster ever again.

1. The President is in town and the Secret Service has my street all blocked off. They say it's gonna be an all-day thing. (Helps if the President is actually in town)

New Live Macca CD and DVD!

Paul McCartney - Good Evening New York City

The only person I ever met who didn't like the Beatles was a much-younger ex-girlfriend of mine. Needless to say, she's an ex-girlfriend.

Having said that, I'm sure a lot of you are psyched about the new Paul McCartney live DVD/CD, Good Evening New York City, which hits the store shelves tomorrow. Of course, maybe you're just now finding out about it, as I haven't seen the usual amount of pre-release buzz over this release.

Is it that Macca's been hitting us with a lot of stuff recently? After all, those Beatles re-issues came out only a month or so ago and sucked quite a chunk of change out of my wallet, I know that much for sure.

Thankfully, the track listing leans heavy on Beatles nuggets, but he also remembers to revisit plenty of Wings tracks as well.

My favorite Wings track, in fact, "Band On The Run", is one of the album's highlights.

Recorded at the opening night of the new Citi Field in NYC, Macca and band run through 34 tracks, every last one of them delivered with more enthusiasm than most artists could possibly muster considering how many times Paul has played such tracks over the last four decades. How he manages to inject something new into the proceedings is why he's the Great One!

I'd gripe about this being much the same track listing of past live albums/DVD releases by McCartney, but I'm just glad to have the guy with us and know that he's still out there taking his music to the people.

New Christmas Music from Ronan Keating

Ronan Keating - Winter Songs

If you've spent any large amount of time on this blog, or listened to one of my Awesome Rock Power Hours, you may have seen me mention Ronan Keating. Turns out Ronan is set to release a new album of holiday music on November 19th. I figured I'd do his PR folks a solid and let you guys know about it in advance.

Here's his version of my fave holiday tune, "Silent Night"

How Faith Hill Came To Sing The Sunday Night Football Theme Song

Like most American dudes, I watch as much football as can be packed into a single day. That day, of course, is Sunday and every Sunday culminates with NBC's Sunday Night Football.

Now, I have nothing against the actual game itself, but, rather, the Sunday Night Football theme song and the network executives who came up with the bright idea.

I can't help think the creative process went a little something like this:

The scene is a large corner office on the 13th floor of the Universal/NBC Building in lovely North Hollywood, er, Universal City. Two network execs, jackets hung on chairs, shirt sleeves rolled up, munch on takeout Chinese food until one breaks the silence.

Network Executive #1: Okay, Sunday Night Football. We need a theme song.

Network Executive #2: Cool, so who do we hire to write such a song? Barry Manilow? Justin Timberlake? Butch Walker?

Network Executive #1: I'd like to see all three of those guys get gang-tackled by the 1979 Pittsburgh Steelers. Maybe we'd be better off going with a song that already exists.

Network Executive #2: I like the way you think, broham. How about that "Are You Ready For Some Football?" song that Hank Williams sings?

Network Executive #1: Um, it's still being used by Monday Night Football.

Network Executive #2: Yeah, so? We change "Monday" to "Sunday" and voila, lawsuit averted.

Network Executive #2: Remind me how you got this gig again?

Network Executive #1: I have pictures of you in a compromising position at last year's Christmas party.

Network Executive #2: Right...okay, focus! What song that already exists can we use as the Sunday Night Football theme song?

Network Executive #1: "Saturday Night" by the Bay City Rollers. We change "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!" to "S-U-N...D-A-Y Night".

Network Executive #2: Can you think any more inside the box?

Network Executive #1: Man, what do you want from me?

Network Executive #2: Oh, I dunno. Maybe something that doesn't scream "obvious" quite so loudly...just a thought.

Network Executive #1: Okay, fuck it. You want "outside the box"? Fine, here's "outside the box". How about we take, oh I dunno..."I Hate Myself For Loving You" and totally re-write the lyrics so that it fits each weeks' game? We can have Faith Hill sing it.

Network Executive #2: That is the single worst idea I have ever heard in my fucking life.

Network Executive #1 pulls one one of the incriminating photos out of a side drawer and slides it across the desk.

Network Executive #2: (pushes button on intercom) Julie, can you get Faith Hill's people on the phone? Thanks.

New Collective Soul CD Out Now!

Collective Soul

Sometimes, there are bands that continue making new music long after their platinum days are behind them. With each new album that is met with diminishing interest and returns, you can't help wonder why the band continues to bother to introduce new material into such an uncaring world.

It might very well be possible that the world might care if there was a way for such music to find its way to masses, but, as we all know, the music industry is a broken shell of its former self and would rather try selling water to drowning men than to bring great albums to the attention of the music-starved masses.

After being severely disappointed by their last album, Afterwords, I greeted my copy of the new self-titled Collective Soul album with a huge sigh. Weeks passed. Finally, I decided to give it a listen, more just to get it over with than anything else. I was fully prepared to be disappointed...

Whereas they seemed completely uninspired last time out, Ed Roland and his ever-changing collection of hired souls have made an album that is worthy of comparison to their best work.

"You", in fact, is one of the best songs Roland has ever written, recalling U2 at their most atmospheric.

"Welcome All Again", "Dig" and "My Days", meanwhile, are all cut from the same familiar fabric that spawned such hits as "Shine" and "Gel". Roland knows enough to give the people what they want - the people still listening, that is.

When he deviates from the formula, as on the aforementioned "You" and the hard-charging, tempo-shifting "Understanding", Roland achieves the best and most interesting results. The guy is truly one of the best rock songwriters around and he can produce radio-ready rock at the drop of a hat. Much as I like Butch Walker, the Marvelous One isn't worthy of carrying Roland's guitar case.

So, refresh my memory...why is Walker the go-to-guy for the female faux-rock-singer set and Roland is left to tour the nostalgia circuit?

Rather than actually answer this question, do me (and yourself) a favor and just buy this album. By doing so, you'll be saying that great songs and artistry still matter. Maybe somebody somewhere will get the message and some small change will begin to take place.

A long shot, I know...

Top 10 Best Two-Star Movies EVER!

Hey, who doesn't love lists? And who doesn't love watching two-star movies - you know, the ones that never claimed to be great in the first place, but are like comfort food. Often times, you don't go too far out of your way to watch one, but if you stumble upon one whilst channel surfing, you can't help but stop and watch.

Here is the official He's A Whore list of the Top 10 Two-Star Movies EVER!

10. Joe vs. The Volcano

Despite being the first onscreen pairing of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, who would go on to star together in the romantic comedy hits "Sleepless In Seattle" and "You've Got Mail", very few people seem to recognize the two-star greatness of this cute little gem. Sure, the beginning is depressing, but the cinematography utilized in achieving the effect of the florescent hell in which Tom Hanks works is done in a manner more fitting a Terry Gilliam flick. Of course, Meg Ryan appears as a secretary in the first of three, yes three, roles that she plays in the film. So, hey, if you love Meg Ryan, this film is for you...and so is this picture:



Hanks' character, we discover, is a hypochondriac. During one of his many doctor's visits, he is told he has a "brain cloud" and that he has only months to live. This sets him on a journey where he meets two other women played by Meg Ryan, falling in love with one of them. Did I mention Abe Vigoda plays a tribal Waponi Chief? Not to be missed.

9. Uncle Buck

Imagine a movie where John Candy is at the height of his popularity and Macauley Culkin is a scene-stealing unknown. This, of course, would be that movie. Beautifully set in the suburbs and city of Chicago, "Uncle Buck" shows writer/director John Hughes is at his comedic best, filling the screen with flawed, but lovable characters.

And who can forget Uncle Buck's rust bucket with backfire-on-cue capabilities?

8. National Lampoon's Vacation

At the time this film came out, Chevy Chase was a $20 million-per-film movie star. Hard to believe these days, but, if nothing else, this first installment in the "Vacation" franchise is a testament to the simpler days of yesterday. Half the fun of watching this film is basking in the greatness of the early 80's. No cell phones, tongue piercings or tramp stamps are to be found in this harmless cross-country romp.

Of course, once the frazzled Clark Griswold and family reach their beloved Wally World theme park, we encounter John Candy in a chuckle-worthy cameo as a park security guard that Clark takes hostage.

Of course, there is a fluffy 80's happy ending despite such frivolities as kidnapping and trespassing. If filmed these days, you just know the SWAT team would show up and take out every last Griswold in a hail of automatic gunfire.



7. Multiplicity

After his run as the overly droll Batman, it was nice to see Michael Keaton return to the comedy genre for which he is best-suited. As a stressed-out construction foreman with more to do than hours in the day and a wife (played by Andie MacDowell) eager for her share of his attention, he goes to a doctor who informs him of his ability to clone humans.

Having another identical version of himself around just might be the answer to all of his problems, he thinks. Of course, like the proverbial Lay's potato chip, you can't just stop at one and, before long, he has not one, but three clones to keep out of trouble. Calamity naturally ensues and Michael Keaton's comedic range is put to great use.

Little known fact: Ghostbuster Harold Ramis directed. And, hey, Andie MacDowell is easy on the eyes.

6. I.Q.

Okay, it might seem like I have a thing for Meg Ryan. Okay, maybe at one time, I did. This, of course, came as a result of watching her pitch-perfect portrayal of Albert Einstein's fictional niece, Catherine in this feel-good romantic comedy.

Walter Matthau plays a lovably light-hearted Albert Einstein, who is happy to spend most afternoons playing badminton with his pals Kurt Gödel, Nathan Liebknecht, and Boris Polosky until mechanic Ed Walters (Tim Robbins) begins showing up. He, of course, is initially hired to fix Catherine's boyfriend's jalopy, which breaks down in front of the gas station where he works.

Of course, from the moment their eyes meet, their is a spark between Ed and Catherine that leads Ed to drop by the Einstein estate, wherein Einstein enlists his buddies to help Ed win Catherine's heart while, at ther same time, pulling the wool over the eyes of the physics community.

The movie takes all sorts of liberties along the way, but you won't care one bit, I promise.

5. High Fidelity

For anyone who has read the amazing book of the same name by noted British author Nick Hornby, any movie based on said book will be met with very high expectations. While I am still not quite sure this movie fulfills such expectations, it does come darn close. It is obvious that John Cusack, who purchased the film rights to the book and oversaw the writing of the script, has a genuine love for the material.

He, of course, sets the film in his own hometown of Chicago (the book was set in London) and casts Jack Black as the acerbic part-time record clerk that makes store owner Rob Gordon's (Cusack) life an occasional hell. In an odd move, Danish actress Iben Hjejle is cast as Rob's girlfriend who leaves him and throws his world into a severe tailspin. I can think of a gazillion actresses better suited to the role. Hjejle had to take English lessons, for crying out loud.

Regardless, she doesn't stink up the screen or anything, but it was an odd choice of casting, nonetheless. So was the casting of Lisa Bonet as a bohemian chick singer that Rob beds while rebounding. Catherine Zeta-Jones, of course, is brilliantly cast
as Charlie, the self-obsessed girl from Rob's past whom he revisits while trying to make sense of his romantic past.

While the book was ripe with enough wit and Top 5 lists to fill three movies, this flick touches upon enough of the book's best moments to make the journey from book to film worthwhile.



4. Home Alone

Let's face it, if you fly off to a foreign country and accidentally leave one of your kids at home, you can expect a visit from Child Protective Services. Ah, but this movie was shot in 1989, back when such a thing was fodder for a feel-good holiday comedy that would launch Macauley Culkin's career into outer space.

John Hughes once again sets the scene in upscale suburban Chicago. You half expect to see John Candy's rust bucket pull up in the driveway at any moment, set to backfire. Instead, we get ne'er-do-well crooks played by Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci, who, as it turns out, are no match for the quick-witted Kevin McAllister.



3. Ghost Busters

What really needs to be said about this comedy classic that hasn't already been said? Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Bill Murray not only play the film's lead character's, they inhabit them. With a supporting cast that includes Sigourney Weaver, Rick Moranis, Ernie Hudson and Annie Potts, it's hard not to get sucked into this paranormal comedy.

Additionally, this film holds up to repeated viewings, making it a great addition to your video library if you have kids that tend to play the crap out of films they like.

2. Planes, Trains And Automobiles

John Candy makes his third appearance on the list (just think how many more appearances he'd have made if he'd not passed away all too soon), teaming with Steve Martin to create yet another John Hughes classic.

Amidst the many madcap moments of this film, there is a real warmth to this film. Candy soars as the lonely road warrior Del Griffith who, even as he seems to be destroying everything in sight, still manages to finds his way into Neal Page's (Martin) heart.



1. Groundhog Day

Bill Murray turns in one of the best performances of his career in this quaint, yet highly-inventive film that takes place on, of all days, Groundhog Day and sees him re-living the same day over and over...and over.

Half the fun is trying to count the number of times he is forced to do so, and taking in the results of all the adjustments he makes each time.

And, hey, Andie MacDowell is easy on the eyes.

Oh No, Terrorists Being Tried On U.S. Soil!!!

This past week, President Obama's administration announced that the primary mastermind s of the September 11th attacks would be tried on American soil, mere feet from the very buildings they'd succeeded in bringing to the ground.

The immediate response from the Republicans was one of outrage. "How dare we grant terrorists rights that we give only to citizens of this country!", "Why are we bending over backwards to treat terrorists fairly when they did no such thing in committing their act of terrorism?", and "This was an act of war and should be tried by a military tribunal!" could be heard from the hallowed halls where such politicos dwell.

This, of course, led to the echoing of these very same sentiments of fear and impending doom by the usual right-wing media suspects. Of course, why are these tough talking fat cats so fearful all of a sudden? To hear them tell it, America is still the greatest country in the world, but - watch out! - the very values that made this country great are constantly under attack by those crummy bastards on the left.

Yet it's the pasty guys on the right who so eagerly want to toss out the Constitution and such things as due process, choosing instead to stir up as much fear as possible within their constituents in order to drum up favor in once again trouncing "the very values that made this country great".

I've never seen such bloated self-righteousness from people trying to convince us of how much in fear they are. They aren't in fear, though. They just want you to be so you won't care that more of our Constitutional rights are yanked out from under our feet. They'll keep blaming it on the terrorists, though. That they continue to use this atrocity for their own purposes should sicken the very people they talking down to, but, sadly, it does just the opposite.

This is the state of the world we live in, ladies and gentlemen. Every day brings another accusation, another attack from the right. The left, of course, is just as conniving and spineless. We're lucky any forward progress is ever made at all as the fat cats play a very expensive game of "Hatfield and McCoys".

The simple truth is these guys care only about their own agendas, taking care of those who've given them money along the way, and cannot be bothered to actually read any proposed bill that might come their way.

"Too many pages", they cry in between cell phone chats with their mistress. Oh, how the rock stars of Washington D.C. love this country.

The simple truth is that if America wishes to actually live by the very values that made this the greatest country on earth, we will try every last 9/11 terrorist on American soil and hold them accountable for what they did. There is no need to throw away the Constitution for the likes of these lowly scumbags. They will be held accountable.

They shall be the ones living in fear, not us. We'll be the ones living the American dream and embracing the values upon which this great country was built.

Killers With A "K"

Have you ever met someone who, the first moment you laid eyes on them, took your breath away? You probably thought to yourself that this person was so beautiful, so wonderful, and that they were "it", man.

Then one day you realized that they were a total fraud. Whatever awe-inspiring qualities they had initially displayed had served only to help overlook the cracks in their façade. After some time, though, the attractive qualities that once left you so enamored now failed to hide their many fatal flaws.

Even as you willed yourself to break it off and to move on, you were bewildered by the transformation that had taken place within your heart and how the mere mention of a name that once made your heart race now left you cold.

For me, no two words signify adoration-turned-to-stone-cold indifference more than "The Killers".

What had so enthralled me the first time I heard their music on the radio was how upbeat, energetic, and refreshing change from the dumbed-down-and-detuned rape-rock that had been dominating the modern rock airwaves, leading such luminaries as KROQ to add Metallica to the playlist.

The arrival of The Killers signified a possible turning of the tide, washing the likes of Limp Bizkit and Korn (sounds like a shitty day at Hometown Buffet, doesn't it?) out to sea. While I had long tired of the jittery "Somebody Told Me" as I picked up The Killers' debut album, Hot Fuss, I was hoping the album had much more to offer than just a snazzy first single.

What I heard after the first couple of spins was a young band that had seemingly arrived fully formed, creating a debut album that most bands spend their entire careers trying (and ultimately failing) to create. There was no way this could be the work of a rag-tag foursome of Las Vegas twenty-somethings.

But, of course, it was and Hot Fuss spent the better part of the next two years in my CD player.

I remember greeting the band's second album, Sam's Town, with more anticipation than I'd had for any other release in recent memory. The first single, "When You Were Young", was a real barn-burner and sounded great blasting out of the radio, but the rest of the album failed to connect with me. This was no longer the band that had arrived so fully formed. They were changing and grasping at certain stylistic straws that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't.

By channeling a young Bruce Springsteen in the bridge of "When You Were Young" (and elsewhere on the album), Brandon Flowers revealed himself - to my ears at least - as someone still in the developmental stages of their musical journey. Sure, he must have owned Duran Duran albums since he was a child, but once could tell the influences on display throughout much of Sam's Town were much more recent.

Mind you, there's nothing wrong with wearing your influences on your sleeve, but these were such new influences that, to me, the roots didn't seem to run deep enough. The band could (and would) discard them like a dirty shirt, or the skeezy moustache briefly sported, then aborted, by Brandon Flowers.

The Killers, by now, were a gigantic modern rock juggernaut and there would be no more two year gaps between albums. Even before many had had time to fully digest Sam's Town, the band released Sawdust, a hastily-assembled collection of b-sides, just in time to capitalize on the holiday shopping season.

All the while, they continued to tour to sold-out crowds here and abroad.

Meanwhile, I went from a huge fan of the band to a fence-sitter, filled with a growing sense of apathy. This, after all, was a band that had released Hot Fuss, then re-released it more than a year later with added tracks, leading devoted fans to either buy the re-released version to get the two additional tracks or, gasp, grab them free (but illegally) from any number of online sources. Now the band was soaking fans yet again by releasing an obvious cash-in like Sawdust.

To me, it was a reward to fair-weather fans while minimizing the rarity of tracks that the more die-hard fans had been collecting by purchasing the band's singles.

Sure, band's have every right to maximize their cash intake, but it's one thing to pick-and-choose such opportunities and another to pull such a stunt after every studio album.

Despite such gripes on my part, I welcomed the release of Day & Age, the band's third studio album, last November. After a couple of listens, though, I shelved my copy, never to return. Still, as this holiday season approached, I found myself wondering what sort of cash-in The Killers would make this holiday season.

A friend of mine went so far as to call me jaded for thinking that the band would do such a thing a third time.

Ah, but when the band's live CD/DVD Live From The Royal Albert Hall hit store shelves earlier this week, he just looked at me, shaking his head. There was no need for me to say "I told you so", as The Killers had done it for me.

Even though I had received a promotional copy of the release weeks ago, there is no part of me that cares enough to devote the necessary time to removing the shrink wrap, much less listening to a band I once adored celebrate the mediocrity they have so fully embraced. Perhaps such "totally awesome" bonus features as exclusive interviews with fans and members of the band's crew just doesn't appeal to me as much as it may to other people.

I don't say this with any sense of happiness or superiority. Hot Fuss was such a great album. Sure, some critics think it was only a great half-album, but, oh, what a great half-album it was. I can't help but miss what The Killers could have been if they'd not allowed themselves to feel they had to compete with bands like the Bravery and Fall Out Boy. By doing so, they went out of their way to devalue themselves in the eyes of many fans who knew better.

For all of Brandon Flowers longing to be the next Bono, you never saw Bono pick fights with lightweights. Bono has always understood the importance of distancing yourself from the also-rans of the rock world. The Killers have done the exact opposite and, in doing so, they lost me and a lot of others who fall outside the Hot Topic demographic they've chosen to cater to so completely.

Ah well, it was a great ride while it lasted.

New He's A Whore T-Shirts Have Arrived!

In our steady transition from kings of the rock & roll stratosphere (hey, if Wanda Sykes thinks she's funny, then we have every right to think we are the kings of the rock & roll stratosphere) to kings of the irreverent and slightly off-color t-shirt universe, we were quite impressed with the action our first t-shirt received a couple months ago and have now unveiled our brand new t-shirt just in time for the holiday gift-buying season.

"Elvisidal Tendencies", of course, is what happens when you spend too much time sitting around thinking up fictional band names. This one, of course, is actually a name we came up with way, way back in the late 80's. In fact, my real band at the time actually played a Halloween gig on the campus of Notre Dame University under the name in '86, but, other than that, it was merely a name we'd been carrying in our head like a pair of socks with a hole in it that you can't bring yourself to toss out.

By the reaction of the crowd that night, it was easy to tell that the world was not yet ready for "Elvisidal Tendencies". Many years later, however, we feel the rest of the world has finally caught up to our sense of humor - well, enough to warrant pressing up a car trunk of t-shirts at least - and we are hopeful that the few kindred spirits in this world will laugh themselves silly and buy this shirt so they can annoy those around them who probably don't think it is nearly as funny.

It's a lovely design on pre-shrunk 100% cotton "rock & roll black" t-shirt, $19.99 - priced to sell, baby!

BUY NOW!

Here's a six-pack of tunes to listen to while pondering the question that has plagued mankind for ages: "How many Elvisidal Tendencies shirts do I wanna buy?" :)

Cheap Trick - Lookin' Out For Number One (One On One Demo)
Adam Schmitt - Waterloo (80's demo, cover of one of our fave Abba tunes)
Robert Hazard - Escalator Of Life
Ace Frehley - Fox On The Run (cover of the Sweet classic)
Dr. Hook - I Call That True Love (a true classic that will bring a smile to your face, we promise)
Steel Panther - Eatin' Ain't Cheatin' (speaking of fictional rock bands...)

Darren Goes To The Movies: The Men Who Stare At Goats

Like a lot of people, I was giddy with excitement upon seeing the advance trailers for The Men Who Stare At Goats. For starters, it boasted a respectable cast that includes George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Ewan McGregorm and Kevin Spacey. Additionally, it appears to be a drama with slyly comedic touches very much in tune with some of Clooney's more popular work (the "Oceans" trilogy, "Burn After Reading", etc.).

Unfortunately, if you've seen the trailer that has been airing on television the past few weeks leading up to the film's release, you will find little else to like by actually watching the film in its entirety. In fact, you will still be waiting for the film to take flight, so to speak, when, much to your chagrin, the end credits begin rolling.

Chances are you will be left scratching your head for a number of reasons, asking yourself what the point of this whole celluloid excursion was. Most infuriating is the prominence of Kevin Spacey's character, which seeks to throw a wrench into the advancement of the psychic military unit founded by Jeff Bridges and featuring a young and gifted George Clooney. Spacey's jealousy of Clooney's abilities leads him to sabotage the squad. He later forms his own consultant group providing such a service to the military, going so far as to hire Bridges after his unceremonious discharge.

Clooney, of course, happens upon this all by chance (or psychic impulse), but we are left with absolutely no resolution. Even Ewan McGregor's character, that of a local U.S. reporter trying to make a name for himself by heading to the middle east in search of a story, fails to benefit from the experience in any meaningful way. He, like all of the characters he encounters, merely spins his wheels.

That might very well be the point of the whole film. If so, they should have just called it "Burn After Watching".