New Christmas Song - "Santa Says"

Every couple of years or so, I like to work up a Christmas song for the kiddies because, let's face it, there aren't as many fresh ones these days as when I was a kid.

In hindsight, I find it funny the way parents (my own included) used to use the threat of Santa withholding toys, or not coming at all, as a way to get us to behave back then. I will fully admit that I was sweating that last week before Christmas and, during those days, was a model citizen around the house.

The truth was, I was worried that Santa really did have a list of every kid's transgressions and was checking it twice. I figured if I turned in a perfect week just days for Christmas, he'd reconsider giving me a lump of coal.

So when it came time to write this song, I amped it up a bit. Santa doesn't just watch you, he comes after you if you don't behave to his absolute specifications.

Forgive the bedroom production, of course. I'm even less a producer than a singer, guitarist or bassist. :)

Enjoy!

Darren Robbins - Santa Says

The Best FreeCreditReport.com Jingle EVER!

Like millions of Americans, I too found those first couple FreeCreditReport.com commercials chuckle-worthy; the guys rocking out in a seafood restaurant, rehearsing in the basement while the guy's wife tries to do laundry, or driving around in a newly-acquired lemon while the pretty girls mock them. Heck, even the songs were funny and catchy enough to lodge themselves in your head for days on end.

But the last few commercials haven't been nearly as entertaining and the songs have completely jumped the shark.

Thinking they could use my help...okay, I couldn't sleep last night and had nothing else better to do...I decided to use my powers for good rather than evil and write a new FreeCreditReport.com jingle that you may find just as cool. Is it catchy? I dunno. Maybe the FreeCreditReport.com folks will use it in their next commercial, play it a million times, and then we'll know for sure.

Wishful thinking, I know.

Darren Robbins' FreeCreditReport.com Jingle

CD Review: Bad Lieutenant "Never Cry Another Tear"

Can you imagine having been in the biggest band in the world and to then be faced with the challenge of getting your new band off the ground? That is precisely the daunting task that Paul McCartney faced when he chose to start a new band and is more than likely the reason he chose to call the band "Wings". They would need all the help they could get.

The same can be said, albeit to a much lesser degree, for New Order singer Bernard Sumner, who is one half of the band Bad Lieutenant. Of course, Sumner is not a stranger to side projects, having released two albums with ex-Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr under the name Electronic. Like that project, Bad Lieutenant are no doubt destined to exist very much within the shadow of Sumner's former band.

Additionally, whatever chance this band may have had to propel themselves beyond "vanity project" status is further hampered by the fact that the music industry is but a shell of its former self and almost completely incapable of a breaking new act - even one fronted by someone as well-known as Sumner.

On their debut outing, Never Cry Another Tear, Sumner and co-conspirators Phil Cunningham and Jake Evans create an album of amazing breadth, subtlety, and charm. They also play a ton of guitar all over the thing, which will come as quite a shock to New Order fans.

Like so many albums that I have come to embrace like lifelong friends, the charm of this album is not so much earth-shatteringly obvious, but something that sneaks up on you right about the third listen. Of course, those who are looking for something similar to New Order are going to be let down, but those who are able to shed their preconceptions at the door will be aptly rewarded.

For starters, the album sounds nothing at all like New Order. There may be elements vaguely similar to some aspects of Republic, but, then again, there are those who feel that album was where New Order lost the plot.

"Sink Or Swim" opens the album with guitars that glisten and chime, perfectly enveloping Sumner's sublimely understated vocals. "Twist Of Fate" ups the ante with a more driving guitar style and yet Sumner's voice remains above it all.

I think what I've always liked about Sumner's voice is that he never sounds like singing is any work at all for him. Never has he needed to employ the histrionics so many other singers seem to rely upon so heavily.

Equally amazing is how natural he seems in a much more accessible rock-oriented environment. Granted, this style of rock has much more in common with the La's or Snow Patrol than Foo Fighters.

But don't think for a second that Jake Evans doesn't also shine thoroughly on this album. He and Sumner share lead vocals duties on the album's finest cut (to these ears anyway), "This Is Home", and, in doing so, hit upon a sound that is entirely their own.

Casting aside the ghost of New Order and the carcass of a broken music industry, Bad Lieutenant have succeeded at making an album that sounds like the result of immensely talented musicians who set out only to make something they themselves could enjoy, with zero concern for what was hip or commercially viable at the time. While such albums never seem to get the attention they truly deserve, this is certainly one that's greatness warrants a shout or two from the rooftops.

Copies Of DRSYG Now Available For Less Than $100!

So, there I was just checking my email last week when I saw a message from a fan of my music asking if there was any way for them to get their hands on my first CD, Darren Robbins Steals Your Girlfriend (pictured above), without having to spend $100.

Now, while I do admit to having Googled myself from time to time (that sounds dirty, doesn't it?), I am not one of those artists who keeps tabs on the availability of their music. As far as I knew, Steals Your Girlfriend was still available for a reasonable price.

A little further investigation on my part revealed it was not. In fact, used copies were selling on Amazon for just shy of $100.

Then came a few other inquiries from other fans, expressing dismay at the inability to find the CD at any of the usual retailers, or any of the songs from the CD available at iTunes.

So I decided that I would make some copies available from my personal collection. Please understand that these are the absolute last copies of this CD that I can make available, unless Universal comes along and decides to do a 20th Anniversary Deluxe Edition, which would be nice, but is about as likely as me ever winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

If you're one of those cool people who have been trying to track down a copy of this CD and think $25 is a lot more affordable than $100, then head over to my He's A Whore Store and buy your copy while there are still some available. I do not know how many orders to expect, but I will say "first come, first served". When I'm out of copies (except for two or three I plan on saving for myself), they are GONE. By the way, these copies are new, still shrink wrapped, ready for you to enjoy.

Also, just for kicks, I've opened five copies and autographed them for those who might value such a thing. :)

Again, visit the He's A Whore Store to purchase.

CD Review: The Wildhearts "Chutzpah!"

The Wildhearts are the sort of band that make you proud to be American. America, after all, invented rock and roll, dammit. You know that, I know that, and, most importantly of all, the Wildhearts know that.

Did I mention that the Wildhearts are British?

Because they're British, only about twelve people in America know about them. After thirteen albums (yes, thirteen), they remain the hard rock equivalent of Robbie Williams to us Yanks. Who's Robbie Williams, you ask? Ah, never mind.

If they'd been fortunate enough to be American, they could have simply gone to Europe to slowly build up a devoted cult following that would eventually translate to millions of albums sold in America, just like Metallica.

Also like Metallica, the Wildhearts have finally gotten around to recording their own "black album" - hey, just look at the album cover, yo. By marrying their balls-to-the-wall rock style to a monolithic no-holds-barred production, the Wildhearts have created an album as radio-ready and Camaro-friendly as anything Hetfield & Co. have come up with in twenty years.

"Plastic Jebus" is just one example of the many songs on this album that are seemingly tailor-made for rocking out to in jam-packed hockey rinks with shitty acoustics while your buddy Josh barfs up all the Pabst Blue Ribbon he chugged in the parking lot, along with some nachos he found in a dumpster, before the show.

But I digress...



The first time I heard the Wildhearts, a friend of mine immediately compared them to Queens Of The Stone Age, which I can totally see if your only exposure to hard rock is via Queens Of The Stone Age. Sure, they sound a little like QOTSA at times, but there are also elements of campy pomp a la the Darkness, but, for the most part, the Wildhearts are as serious as a fucking heart attack when it comes to blowing your hair back with their impenetrable fortress of rockitude.

Sure, "You Are Proof That Not All Women Are Insane" just has to be a fictional song about girls because, well, we all know that every last one of them is out of their fucking minds. We'll just chalk that one up to poetic license because the tune itself kicks the living shit out of anything Jimmy Eat World or Fall Out Boy have ever done and this is coming from someone who loved that last Jimmy Eat World record.

What I love most about Chutzpah! is that it has ten songs on it (okay, the Japanese version has fourteen). So what, you say? Look, it's common knowledge that all the best albums have ten songs on them. Okay, maybe not all of them, I do know that Sugar Ray and Fastball albums have like twenty songs on them and tend to suck. Okay, that Fastball album that had their monster hit "The Way" on it was decent, but it had like 500 goddamn songs on it and by the time I was done listening to every last one of them...oh, who am I kidding? I only ever listened to "The Way" until I got so fucking sick of it and sold it back to Moby Disk (god rest their retail soul) for $5.

But enough about me...

You know what's wrong with your life? You've let that good job and beautiful wife do a number on your head. Dude, the last concert you went to was Michael Fucking Buble. Yeah, yeah, it was for your wife's birthday. And you thought you could earn some bonus points by bringing her mo along. But the thing is, man, you lost your edge the minute you agreed to stand outside the ladies room holding two purses, Mr. Man.

What you need is a little redemption, my friend. For starters, go out and buy the new Wildhearts album. Play it loud and play it often. Oh yeah, also trade in that roller-skate-you-call-a-car Prius (her idea) for a gas-guzzling Chevelle in a lovely shade of primer. Then, just as your lady opens her mouth to complain, point her in the direction of the backseat and let her know that things are gonna be different from now on. Oh, and those acid-wash short shorts are for her. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday.

Once behind the wheel, Heaven will be found at every red light as you pull up next to the cops and blow the "To Serve And Protect" sticker clean off the side of their car with a little dose of Chutzpah!. Then you and your lady can cruise out to Inspiration Point to watch the submarine races.

If you've managed to read this far, here's a link to a Chutzpah! outtake that the band just made available to fans today: Zeen Requiem

CD Review: Brandi Carlile "Give Up The Ghost"

I always thought it was weird how Sheryl Crow went from "newcomer" to "legend" in the span of one album. By the time she got around to releasing her third album, I honestly thought induction into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame couldn't be far behind.

Other than successfully sell herself as the sort of singer that could hang with the boys, so to speak, while also speaking for the girls, I was never quite sold on her supposed greatness. To these ears, her voice is average at best and, as far as songs go, if you have one Sheryl Crow album, you pretty much have them all.



Brandi Carlile, on the other hand, has a voice that just about any rocker chick on the planet would kill or die to have, yet she remains such a well-kept secret to all but a seemingly chosen few. While I would like to think that her new CD, Give Up The Ghost will change that, my faith in the masses was shaken long ago.

Seriously, what is the world's excuse for not beating a path to this songstress's door? Is she not dressed scantily enough? Or is it that she can actually sing her ass off without all of the pointless Aguilera-esque showboating? No need for auto-tune here, brother. Just set up a microphone, press record, and get the fuck out of the way.

What appealed to me most of all about her stunning 2007 album The Story wasn't the oft-mentioned production by noted Americana legend T-Bone Burnett, but, rather, Brandi's ability to shine in any number of musical settings. This is important to note because I knew then that she was the sort of artist who, over the course of her lengthy career, would find herself teamed up with a wide array of producers, all keen on creating the backdrop upon which Carlile's vocals would shine the most and deliver hits aplenty.

The producer this time around is none other than Rick Rubin, he of the stripped down Johnny Cash recordings that surfaced before and after the country legend's death, with widely varying degrees of quality. Rubin employs a similar strategy on this album and, in doing so, creates an album so minimal, so free of even the simplest frills, that one wonders if more than $50 was spent on the recording of said album.

Granted, sometimes it works (as on the hauntingly plaintive "Pride And Joy" and the elegiac "Before It Breaks") and sometimes it doesn't (the last half of the album). Songs like "If There Was No You" and "Oh Dear" are worthy of fleshed out arrangements that allow each song to ebb and flow. Instead, Rubin opts for a less-is-more approach that leaves it up to the listener to fill in the blanks.

Thankfully, the first half of the album is near-perfect, the album-opening "Looking Out" being the one true stunner in the bunch.

What the album does, more than anything, is reveal Rick Rubin's weakness as a song-oriented producer. He may be hands off (yes, ladies and gents, the guy doesn't even touch the recording console) and have great rapport with the artists he works with, but he's also a guy who fails to help artists edit themselves. Case in point: Jimmy Iovine, who was a great editor for Tom Petty. Rubin, by comparison, seemed too in awe of Petty to tell him which songs weren't quite finished yet. While Wildflowers is considered by some to be a great Petty album, it is actually a middling Petty album with a one great song on it.

Thus, in Rubin's hands, Carlile's new CD lacks the songs and focus of The Story.

AC/DC "Backtracks" Coming November 10th!

Okay, I'll be the first to say that the standard issue box set, Backtracks, scheduled for a November 10th releases, is yet another shameless cash-in by AC/DC (right up there with their line of dog clothing sold exclusively at Wal-Mart last year).

Let's face it, such a release isn't targeted at the casual AC/DC fan, but, rather, right at their hardcore fan base. The thing is, any hardcore AC/DC fan already owns these tracks, thus rendering the contents of this entire box set completely non-essential.

What is completely essential for casual fans and hardcore AC/DC-heads alike and well worth blowing a couple Benjamin Franklins on, however, is the deluxe version of the box set, which includes an additional CD of live rarities (again, non-essential, but I'm working up to the good stuff) and a second DVD featuring the entire concert from Circus Krone, 2003.

It also comes in a deluxe case that doubles as a working guitar amplifier.



That's right, you guitarists can plug right in and rock along to your favorite AC/DC tracks.



Also included is a 164-page coffee table book featuring TONS (and I mean TONS) of never-before-seen photographs, memorabilia, and anecdotes detailing the band's entire history.

For you vinyl junkies, the tracks from CD 1 are also presented on 180 Gram 12" vinyl.

And for those of you whose mom threw away all your old-school AC/DC artifacts after you got caught smoking weed with some friends, the box set comes with a virtual treasure trove of classic AC/DC memorabilia like a temporary Bon Scott tattoo, 2'x3' Let There Be Rock poster, "I Do It For AC/DC button, a "Moneytalks" $100 bill, Angus Young beanie sticker, guitar pick, "Lock Up Your Daughters" tour flyer, and a reproduction of the studio track sheet for the "Dirty Deeds" recording sessions.

All this can be yours for $199.

To further whet your appetite, here's a kick-ass live version of "You Shook Me All Night Long" from CD3 (available only in the Deluxe Version).

Cover Song Of The Day: Samantha Fox "Satisfaction"

Oh, yeah, sorry I forgot to mention the above photo might not be safe for work. If you work at a church. Well, perhaps you can rock out to Samantha Fox's booby-licious version of the Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" while you clean out your desk.

Man, I never realized how much I missed gals like Samantha Fox until I realized how superior she is to the current crop of chicks who can't really sing, but always seem to be putting out new albums. At least Samantha gave the people what they wanted: Boobies!

Granted, we in America never got to see her many topless Page 3 appearances. Those lucky Brits.

All we got was her music, but even that's not so bad when you can find all those topless pics on the internet. Let's face it, vacuous dance music sung just well enough not to bad seems a whole lot better when there's a nice rack involved.

And so with that in mind I give you...



BOO-ya! God, I miss Samantha. Little known fact, she was born the day after I was. That makes us...absolutely nothing, but if I ever run into her, it'll be my opening line.

Samantha Fox -Satisfaction

Jack Black A Surprise Guest On Leno Tonight - October 8!

Just an FYI, Jack Black is making a surprise appearance on tonight's Jay Leno Show to perform "Under Pressure". 10PM EST. Check your local listings and all that jazz.

Of course, here's an mp3 of Jack and KG doing the tune with Ben Harper in '08:

Tenacious D with Ben Harper - Under Pressure

Kindle Price Drops To $259...Zzzz.

When it was first introduced, I have found Amazon's Kindle
- a digital device enabling you to download books, newspapers, etc. for reading - to be an utterly pointless invention. I dread sitting next to someone with a Kindle the next time I get on a plane for fear they'll have the Kindle read their book aloud to them...AND ME.

Since then, the Kindle has been upgraded to feature better graphical display (but still no color), and it can now read aloud to you (sigh...), but still seems a tad unnecessary.

I mean, why pay $259 for such features as (from Amazon's list) "Reads like real paper with no glare, even in bright sunlight". Are you for realz, Amazon? $259 for a display that reads like a real book when I could just buy...drum roll please...A REAL BOOK?

Now, there are benefits to having a Kindle. Such as students who are able to download school books and such. Unfortunately, there have been some kinks in the process that saw Amazon delete selections from their library and, thus, erasing the content from hundreds of kindles.

One such customer, a high school student, sued Amazon and won.

While I do applaud Amazon for boasting a nice selection of over 350,000 titles (even one of my favorite, albeit largely unknown, authors, Brian Wiprud
's books are available in Kindle format), the point remains that very few people really need a Kindle to improve their reading experience.

While rarerly is the movie ever better than the book, thus far, neither is the Kindle.

The Invention Of Lying

I surmise that a great number of the Ricky Gervais fans out there came to like him based on his performance in The Office. For me, though, I wasn't truly willing to call myself a fan of his work until seeing him in 2007's "Ghost Town".

Since then, I've also become a fan of Gervais' often hysterical podcast series, "The Ricky Gervais Guide To...", which he taped with cohorts Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington.

So it was with some anticipation that I looked forward to seeing Gervais return to the silver screen in "The Invention Of Lying".

The movie, which also stars Jennifer Garner and Louis CK, takes place in a modern-day world devoid of lying. Thus, we see Gervais' character arrive to pick Garner up for their first date, whereupon she matter-of-factly remarks that she'd just been masturbating. Similarly, as he arrives at his office the next day, his secretary (Tina Fey) tells him that he is most likely getting fired. Oh, and that she has loathed every second that she has worked for him.

My first thought wasn't so much that everyone was honest, but that they offered too much information. Simply because you do not lie, does not necessarily mean that you divulge your every thought about someone without any provocation.

In that sense, many of the characters seem unduly cruel, which, in my opinion, detracts from the premise of a world without deceit.

Here's the thing, though. In attempting to construct such a world, Gervais (who also co-wrote the script) seems to want it both ways. He wants to show that the world is more innocent and trusting without lying, but that people who are 100% truthful can also be absurdly hurtful.

Rob Lowe's character, for example, is a fellow historical script writer who is threatened by Gervais, yet, at the same time, thinks he's a loser. He and Garner choose to be married based upon the belief that they both have the correct genetic make-up for beautiful offspring.

That Garner, despite her growing feelings for Gervais, would choose to marry Lowe based on such criteria isn't exclusive to a world where only Gervais' character lies. Such things happen in the real world, too.

Sadly, in the world without lying, there is not a single person with any depth. Only Gervais' character seems capable of introspection and self-awareness.

Thus, an otherwise intriguing premise dies on the vine and we are left wondering what could have been. In the hands of filmmakers such as the Farrelly brothers, such a premise would have been both hysterical and heartfelt.